You Looked So Perfect

This week was about Joel. We gathered and mourned his loss.

But first, I went to Provo and healed my heart a little. Mariah and Buddy and Misty picked me up from the airport and whisked me down to Eliza's house where Frank was asleep but Eliza, Willa and Juliet were awaiting our arrival. It was the best!

The next day, while we should have been doing some things, we mostly ended up getting swept up in the four adorble little kids who really run the show. They love Mariah and Eliza interchangeably, but they definitely know which is which.

Juliet and Buddy were playing merpeople, unicorns and hippogriffs. I just loved it.

Wyatt came over for dinner and hugs. Then Kirsta, Ivy and Will came too and after dinner we all went to the condo together. Kirsta whisked to the airport to pick up Bill who just can't sit for as long as it takes to drive to Utah.

Kirsta and I did a fun water workout the next morning and then went a few minutes before the rest of her family to the funeral home for the viewing. Mostly people hung out in the entry for a while and didn't want to go in, but finally we all did.

Note Joel's motorcycle jacket, favorite shirt and jeans. Kirsta took care of the beautiful casket flowers. The casket was black, in honor of the Black Widow, his favorite BMW he used to drive.

Leslie had four matching kukui nut leis for Joel and his kids.

 I almost named this post "There Were Never More Devoted Sisters".

I was there (in yellow) trying to do what Paige would do. Aunt Janene was there (in blue) trying to do what Mom would do. 

I told M'Li's kids to be silly and they had a GREAT time with that. I was impressed with how long they played along with me doing silly things! And that Hayden jumped on board first.

Paige, I try to stand in for you with Azya. I know it is some comfort to her because she constantly tells me how much I remind her of you. But I know I'm still not what she really wants.

Jae and Preeti were Joel's landlords and dear friends. They were heartbroken. Preeti didn't think she could be there for the burial. She had a hard time even looking at the casket. She saw him 3 hours before he died, and she loved him like family.

Paige, this one was where you were supposed to insert yourself. See the spot we left for you? Age order.

These people were Joel's work friends. I forgot the name of the lady on the left, but she flew in from Florida. Corey, center, lives in Utah. Renee, on the right, flew in from Oregon and called Joel her soul brother.

Kenda and adorable, little bit crazy, Koa.

I saw Azya speaking so animatedly to her cousins about her job. She really loves it. She LOVES languages. What a blessing she gets to do what she loves!

This is Brian, Lesley's husband, wearing matching orange ties with Reef because orange was Joel's favorite color. I thanked Brian for loving Lesley and Reef because we love them so much.

Sabrina and Metzli and Frank and Eliza. Both babies born on Jan 21, 2023.

I sat on the front row for you Paige, so I'd have a good view and be a good reporter for you. Also because I figured you would want to be there too. I told Reef to do a goofy face and this is what I got.

President Sutton, who was a bishop when Joel was Elder's Quorum President years ago, conducted.

Then Kaden spoke, quite honestly about how his relationship with his dad wasn't always good, but that the last two years were the best years he had with his dad.

Then Kaia played Over The Rainbow by Iz on ukulele. Metzli sang along a little bit. ;)

Then I told a joke Joel texted for Griffin a month ago. 

Then Kirsta spoke. She talked about how she would stop by Joel's work unannounced after her mission and he would just roll with it. He was excellent at just vibing with you.

Renee, Joel's supervisor at work talked about how she hired him because she felt a connection with him and felt like she just needed to have him in her life. She read texts from people at work who described Joel: SMART. HILARIOUS. Kind. Then she said that she and he had so many things in common that she called him her soul brother. She ended with a poem.

M'Li talked about growing up with Joel. She talked about playing with Roy, the neighbor on the next plot 5 acres away and deciding to run away to meet the monsters in the mountains together. Mom blew her whistle and Joel dropped everything, ran home, and left M'Li to bring the wagon and all the runaway supplies home and face our mother's wrath.

Paige, I thought you would like that the big pine tree that stands to the south of Joel's grave holds a blue and green windchime. These are the colors you wear and decorate with even more than yellow.

Marj spoke next. She talked about walking behind Dad and Joel at the Hill Air Force Base Museum one time when they went there with Joel and Reef. She talked about listening to Joel and Dad talk about the details of each kind of aircraft and their merits. She loved that relationship between them. 

Then Kaia spoke. She said that she didn't know how she was going to live her life without her dad. He texted her good morning every day. And then he texted her every night in French before she went to bed.

The bishop of the ward Joel lives in talked about getting to know Joel over the last two years. He testified that because of Jesus Christ, death is not the end and that we will see him again. 

President Rick Sutton closed by testifying twice that God is real. He is a loving, merciful and kind God. He loves us. He cautioned people not to judge harshly, because we would be judged with the same judgement that we give to other people. 

Dad dedicated the grave. My kids didn't hear any of it because he was a little too far away from the microphone, and because just as he was praying an airplane flew overhead.

Then Kaden invited everyone there to come up and write a love note to Joel in silver Sharpie on Joel's beautiful black casket. They had great music playing and it was a vibe Joel would have loved. It felt perfect.

Kirsta sat behind me and held Dad's hand.

Aunt Janene sat next to them, trying to represent Mom as best she could. 

I signed for you before I signed for me, Paige. Azya said it was a good approximation of your handwriting. Kaia's was especially tender.

Buddy was sad and I'm not sure why. I also don't know if this was before or after he peed on someone else's grave. Hahahahaha!

Misty!

This is seriously the best way to end a funeral service. I loved seeing everyone's notes to Joel.

Paige, I thought you would care about the setting, so I took a couple of pictures. This one is facing east.

This one is facing south, towards the point of the mountain.

Then most people went and got lunch before meeting at Shelly Shakespear's church to visit some more. Joel's kids couldn't do any more. They did enough.

This is evidence of us being at least digitally connected at the same time in the same place. You are at the bottom left on Shelly's screen. I love her for setting this up and for bringing her iPad around and letting people visit with the people who zoomed in. It was a big sacrifice on her part. 

Kirsta visiting with Glen and Kayci. Azya talking to her cousins. Dad visiting with Uncle Franz and Aunt Ruby.

As things were winding down. 

It was a rough week. I flew home to a husband with COVID. I'm sleeping in the guest room. We cancelled both evening events we had scheduled, but still went to the BYU-K-State game in masks. They lost. 

But mostly, I keep thinking how perfect everything was--achingly hard, but absolutely perfect.