If you're going to mistake which chapter of scripture you're supposed to be reading, I recommend accidentally ending up on Hebrews 12, which starts out with this awesome verse:
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the asin which doth so easily bbeset us, and let us run with cpatience the race that is set before us,"
I did that this week when I was supposed to be reading 1 Corinthians 12, and it was a chapter I needed to read. I've been having trouble being patient with the race I'm running right now. I usually only post the things I like enough to take pictures of, so you may have a somewhat skewed and rosy view of my life if all you see is my blog. (Which is also one of the reasons I like my blog.)
So here are the harder parts of my race right now:
-Willa's headaches. I would take them as my own without hesitation if it would cure her. It is terrible to not be able to really help your child, and to see her suffer. And these headaches make parenting harder--you don't know just how much to treat her as if she is fragile because you definitely don't want her to become that way.
-One year old twins. They are so adorable! And so exhausting! I read a blog post that completely accurately describes how spending your days with adorable and exhausting babies is everything and nothing at the same time. You are desperately lonely, but then desperate to be alone at the same time. As the blog says, there are DAYS THAT LAST LIFETIMES. (You should read the post. She describes it just as I wish I had.)
-Feeling like I am neglecting important things--like sometimes even people. I know Wyatt feels neglected sometimes, and I suspect my college girls feel like I neglect them somewhat too. And the other three have to fight amongst themselves for the attention I'm giving them.
-Even though I'm busy with all this everything (all the childcare and house maintenance and feeding and clothing and procuring stuff) and nothing (you'd be amazed how open my actual calendar is), I have to go ahead with things that need to be done just because they need to be done. Either it's because we need to eat or there is a project I have put too much effort in to just stop--I have to act sometimes with what feels like not quite enough thought. Or maybe it's just that I can't make decisions very quickly or decisively right now. Either way, it feels slightly like I'm downhill skiing with dark glasses in a snowstorm.
Sometimes this leaves me with little patience. So that's why I needed to remember Hebrews 12. Several verses down, there is a line that jerks everything right into perspective pretty quickly.
"Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin."
No, no I haven't. However, I am humbled and immensely grateful to be on the team of someone who has. Jesus Christ didn't come to save the perfect people, because none of us are. He came to help all of us foolish people bumbling along not quite having the right answer to the questions we face. How glad I am that he and Heavenly Father decided I was worth it!
I read another article that touches on some of the same ideas and inspired me. The author ended with some lyrics to a Leonard Cohen song that I'll end with too--because they are beautiful in this context:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the asin which doth so easily bbeset us, and let us run with cpatience the race that is set before us,"
I did that this week when I was supposed to be reading 1 Corinthians 12, and it was a chapter I needed to read. I've been having trouble being patient with the race I'm running right now. I usually only post the things I like enough to take pictures of, so you may have a somewhat skewed and rosy view of my life if all you see is my blog. (Which is also one of the reasons I like my blog.)
So here are the harder parts of my race right now:
-Willa's headaches. I would take them as my own without hesitation if it would cure her. It is terrible to not be able to really help your child, and to see her suffer. And these headaches make parenting harder--you don't know just how much to treat her as if she is fragile because you definitely don't want her to become that way.
-One year old twins. They are so adorable! And so exhausting! I read a blog post that completely accurately describes how spending your days with adorable and exhausting babies is everything and nothing at the same time. You are desperately lonely, but then desperate to be alone at the same time. As the blog says, there are DAYS THAT LAST LIFETIMES. (You should read the post. She describes it just as I wish I had.)
-Feeling like I am neglecting important things--like sometimes even people. I know Wyatt feels neglected sometimes, and I suspect my college girls feel like I neglect them somewhat too. And the other three have to fight amongst themselves for the attention I'm giving them.
-Even though I'm busy with all this everything (all the childcare and house maintenance and feeding and clothing and procuring stuff) and nothing (you'd be amazed how open my actual calendar is), I have to go ahead with things that need to be done just because they need to be done. Either it's because we need to eat or there is a project I have put too much effort in to just stop--I have to act sometimes with what feels like not quite enough thought. Or maybe it's just that I can't make decisions very quickly or decisively right now. Either way, it feels slightly like I'm downhill skiing with dark glasses in a snowstorm.
Sometimes this leaves me with little patience. So that's why I needed to remember Hebrews 12. Several verses down, there is a line that jerks everything right into perspective pretty quickly.
"Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin."
No, no I haven't. However, I am humbled and immensely grateful to be on the team of someone who has. Jesus Christ didn't come to save the perfect people, because none of us are. He came to help all of us foolish people bumbling along not quite having the right answer to the questions we face. How glad I am that he and Heavenly Father decided I was worth it!
I read another article that touches on some of the same ideas and inspired me. The author ended with some lyrics to a Leonard Cohen song that I'll end with too--because they are beautiful in this context:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Thank you for posting this. I needed it. I loved the talk by Tyler Jarvis and those lyrics will be running through my head for a long time. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I remember being ignored while my siblings were in high school. It's not as bad as you think.
Been there. Felt that. Exactly. And it was worth it. At the time it seemed forever, but in retrospect it didn't last long enough.
ReplyDeleteI just wish I could zap in for a minute and share the angst and the joy, give a hug, and relish just one of your smiles. Maybe we could even cry together.
Do you ever feel the tugs of love I send your way? You're probably much to engaged in your busy life. I'll keep sending them anyway. Maybe one will get through.
Heather, I too (in the past) felt the very same frustrations of all the things that need doing in my life, that I wish I could do and things that probably don't need doing at all! I can feel again what you sometimes feel.....There is a poster of a cat hanging on by its claws....and I always smile when I see it because I remember at times me doing that very thing :) .I also felt sometimes that just sharing it with someone gave me a rest for a minute. I remember someone saying that someone else couldn't solve my problems..they could just hold up a corner of them while I caught my breath, then I could take the full load again...and sharing that did it for me. Every time I read/hear anything to do with headaches...I think of our Willa and try to find something in what they are saying that might help her. When one of our babies hurt...we hurt don't we! xo momw
ReplyDeleteSo many good things to read from this. You are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI love this post and the blog and talk you referenced and the comments left by others.
After having a crumby day this is just what I needed.
This post came at the perfect moment to remind me to go read scriptures. I ended up on 3 Nephi 12. I recommend it highly.
ReplyDeleteLove from me to you. You are doing better than you think, is my unsolicited opinion.
ReplyDeleteI love that phrase, "cloud of witnesses." It really makes the evidence more easy to see.
ReplyDelete