Post-Partum Brain

When I was a kid, there was a public service commercial that was supposed to convince kids not to use drugs. It started with a close up of someone holding an egg. A dramatic voice said, "This is your brain." Then the hand holding the egg cracks it and lets the egg drop into a hot frying pan. As it sizzles, the dramatic voice says, "This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?" When I was pregnant, I joked about having "pregnant brain", because it felt like the wheels were just turning so very slowly. It was like being on a drug of some kind--a drug that makes your mind and body move like they are trapped in a vat of molasses.

Actually, both my science background and my real life experiences convince me that there definitely are chemicals that are psycho-active. They really do change the way you think. That knowledge is what makes the movie "Limitless" so compelling. In that movie a man who is probably suffering from depression comes across a drug that unleashes the full potential of his brain. When he takes the drug for the first time, suddenly his writer's block is cured and he finishes the novel he has been languishing over for a year. He has energy and drive to clean his trashed apartment and to spruce up his slovenly appearance. Really brilliant ideas come to him with great clarity. His mood improves. He LOVES this drug, and quickly becomes addicted to the powerful effect it has on him. When the effect wears off the contrast is appalling. And then he runs into a few other people who have also tried the drug and sees what happens when they take it long term. They look terrible and haggard. Their bodies are emaciated and worn. They come to no good end, and quickly. They literally can't live without the fix.

A couple of months ago, my brain chemistry changed in a dramatic way as it stopped bathing in pregnancy hormones and started soaking in lactation hormones. And quite honestly, it was like taking the drug in "Limitless." All of a sudden I had amazing amounts if energy where I had none. I went on a crazy cleaning spree to fix all the messes I let slide while I was growing people inside me. When I tried to sleep at night, I was often kept awake by a flood of really great ideas. And I smiled more, laughed more, and was happier than I had been in months. But I also had the dark side effects. These dizzying heights were followed by absolute exhaustion and a near inability to function or even speak for short periods of time. It was quite a trip.

Now I'm contemplating changing the hormonal milieu again. My babies are not getting many of their calories from me and I have fond memories of that other combination of chemicals that my brain used to be accustomed to before we started this wild ride. I think I may taper off on nursing now and see what my brain is like without drugs again.