I had a sad conversation with Willa yesterday. It all started with the fairy doors. Ann Arbor is full of fairy doors, and we had a blast finding all of them when we lived there. But Willa really wanted her own, and decided to buy one for her birthday. We had a great time painting it and getting it ready to hang, but then Willa got an urgent look on her face and told me she needed to call her friend Sophia to find out how to entice actual fairies to live there. I sat down on the couch with her and gently told her that I wanted her to know I would always tell her the truth, and that I had to tell her that the notes and things left for the fairies were really just a fun game parents played with their kids, kind of like Santa Claus. (I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.) I told her about a piece I heard on NPR a couple of years ago about a father who played fairies with his daughter. When she found out they weren't real she was devastated. I told her there were some things that we couldn't see that were definitely real, like the Holy Ghost. Then I just held her while she processed. She just thought a lot and had several comments, with minutes in-between. Here is her train of thought:
But Mom, Fairies are REAL.
You mean YOU bought cell phones for Mariah and Eliza? Really?
But Fairies are really real.
But Mom, the best and most true things in the world can't be seen.
And YOU got my cooking set for Christmas? Where did you buy it?
Then later...
Have you hung the fairy door yet?
Will you still play fairies with me?
And this morning on the way to school...
Hey Mom, are you the tooth fairy TOO?!
It was kind of sad and I felt a little mean, but mostly it was a relief to come clean. Mariah and Eliza never had to be disabused of these kinds of notions because I was pretty up-front with them from the first. ("Shall we play Santa Claus this year?" I asked my two-year olds...) Alan accused me of being a killjoy and didn't want me to do the same with the younger ones. My last thing to do before I really have come clean is tell him what I did. He still doesn't know. But then again, maybe he'd prefer to keep the magic alive...
But Mom, Fairies are REAL.
You mean YOU bought cell phones for Mariah and Eliza? Really?
But Fairies are really real.
But Mom, the best and most true things in the world can't be seen.
And YOU got my cooking set for Christmas? Where did you buy it?
Then later...
Have you hung the fairy door yet?
Will you still play fairies with me?
And this morning on the way to school...
Hey Mom, are you the tooth fairy TOO?!
It was kind of sad and I felt a little mean, but mostly it was a relief to come clean. Mariah and Eliza never had to be disabused of these kinds of notions because I was pretty up-front with them from the first. ("Shall we play Santa Claus this year?" I asked my two-year olds...) Alan accused me of being a killjoy and didn't want me to do the same with the younger ones. My last thing to do before I really have come clean is tell him what I did. He still doesn't know. But then again, maybe he'd prefer to keep the magic alive...
We came clean with Jack this year, I was afraid of the reaction: would he be mad, would he 2nd guess other "real" things we can't see, would he be sad? Luckily he was delighted to know the ins and outs and to be apart of it, and I think to have his suspicions confirmed. Oh, the magic is still there if you get to hide easter candy! Sorry the Easter Bunny missed your house this year, I bet no one knew the difference. You are too fun all year long!
ReplyDeleteI hate the lies we tell children. I want to be someone my kids can trust. Unfortunately, Bill doesn't share my opinion. I constantly feel torn between not wanting to lie to my children and letting Bill have his fun.
ReplyDeleteWe've never been big on Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, or anything like that. I guess you could call us major scrooges. We've just don't really talk about it. So Grant definitely knows, but I'm not sure about Clark. We'll see how it all plays outs. It is still really exciting to get the presents and goodies, even if it isn't from an imaginary person!
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