I come from a family of expert packers. My dad earned a living as a pilot, so his suitcase was packed and unpacked often and efficiently. My mom is the one who taught me to pack--only the essentials, tightly rolled and fitted perfectly into each available space. When she visits me, often the things she needs for an entire weekend are packed into only her purse. When I married my husband, he was strong enough that he believed it was worth it to carry anything he might possibly need--most notably many pairs of shoes. The longer he is with me, (though his strength has not diminished) the fewer shoes he carries and the more efficiently his bags are packed. Always, though, he has been an expert at packing his life full of things to do. He is a man of action and efficiency; it is almost bewildering how much he can pack into the twenty four hours of a day.
I think most of us pack our lives like grocery bags--quickly, with some thought and care about not squishing the bread or bananas, and full enough not to have to carry more bags than is reasonable, but not necessarily using every single square inch available. On Sunday, we had a day packed like my mom packs a suitcase. First, Alan was on call. He was also scheduled to speak in a ward that is about 30 minutes away. He also had to round at the hospital. Second, I was scheduled to go to ward council and help run Primary in our ward and go to choir practice for a performance that night. Third, we have four children we needed to bathe, feed, and make sure they were presentable and present for church. We decided to do it all. I went with Alan to hear him speak, then we rushed home (answering pages on the way) so he could be there while the kids got ready for church and I was in ward council. He dropped the kids off to me at the church and went to round on the patients who needed him. We made it through sacrament meeting and a chaotic two hours of Primary, followed by choir practice while the kids played in the Primary room. We got home about the same time Alan got home from the hospital, ate dinner, planned the next week for about 20 minutes, and went back to the church for the hymn fireside and cookies that counted as our family home evening for this week. Our kids didn't get to bed until about 9pm, which sadly, is becoming par for the course on school nights. I think this "at home mom" was home for a total of about 70 waking minutes that day. As we were crashing soon after the kids did, I asked Alan if it was worth it to do it all. It certainly didn't feel like a day of rest, but we did spend much of it in worship.
I think the answer to that question--is it worth it to do it all?--varies by the day for me. Sunday was actually pretty good. I felt like we kept the Sabbath and our committments as well as we could, and we enjoyed even the fireside and cookies at the end. On days when I have less energy the all out sprint just makes me teary and exhausted at the end of the day. Sometimes if you don't do the things you want to, that's all the consequence there is--you just don't do them. Other days the pace pushes me over the edge and I become less able to cope/drive safely/not yell at my children. And I do wonder if I compensate by needing more down time on the days that follow these marathon packing days. So I'm equivocal. What do you think? Is more more or is less more? What do you do when you're supposed to be 2 or 3 places at once? Find ways to accomodate as many of the activities you can or choose the most essential and leave the rest? And how do you choose between good activities? We have had more and more conflicts between worthy and good activities lately, and it is often hard to prioritize their worth. It's often hard to know if packing tightly is going to strengthen me and give me greater experiences or just make me a frazzled traveler.
I think most of us pack our lives like grocery bags--quickly, with some thought and care about not squishing the bread or bananas, and full enough not to have to carry more bags than is reasonable, but not necessarily using every single square inch available. On Sunday, we had a day packed like my mom packs a suitcase. First, Alan was on call. He was also scheduled to speak in a ward that is about 30 minutes away. He also had to round at the hospital. Second, I was scheduled to go to ward council and help run Primary in our ward and go to choir practice for a performance that night. Third, we have four children we needed to bathe, feed, and make sure they were presentable and present for church. We decided to do it all. I went with Alan to hear him speak, then we rushed home (answering pages on the way) so he could be there while the kids got ready for church and I was in ward council. He dropped the kids off to me at the church and went to round on the patients who needed him. We made it through sacrament meeting and a chaotic two hours of Primary, followed by choir practice while the kids played in the Primary room. We got home about the same time Alan got home from the hospital, ate dinner, planned the next week for about 20 minutes, and went back to the church for the hymn fireside and cookies that counted as our family home evening for this week. Our kids didn't get to bed until about 9pm, which sadly, is becoming par for the course on school nights. I think this "at home mom" was home for a total of about 70 waking minutes that day. As we were crashing soon after the kids did, I asked Alan if it was worth it to do it all. It certainly didn't feel like a day of rest, but we did spend much of it in worship.
I think the answer to that question--is it worth it to do it all?--varies by the day for me. Sunday was actually pretty good. I felt like we kept the Sabbath and our committments as well as we could, and we enjoyed even the fireside and cookies at the end. On days when I have less energy the all out sprint just makes me teary and exhausted at the end of the day. Sometimes if you don't do the things you want to, that's all the consequence there is--you just don't do them. Other days the pace pushes me over the edge and I become less able to cope/drive safely/not yell at my children. And I do wonder if I compensate by needing more down time on the days that follow these marathon packing days. So I'm equivocal. What do you think? Is more more or is less more? What do you do when you're supposed to be 2 or 3 places at once? Find ways to accomodate as many of the activities you can or choose the most essential and leave the rest? And how do you choose between good activities? We have had more and more conflicts between worthy and good activities lately, and it is often hard to prioritize their worth. It's often hard to know if packing tightly is going to strengthen me and give me greater experiences or just make me a frazzled traveler.
I really like it that in all your many activities, you choose to be together with Alan as much as possible. You've got your priorities straight. I'm always impressed with how much both you and Alan, if it is at all possible, do your stuff together.
ReplyDeleteFor me, whatever I end up doing, is just the stuff I actually remember to do. The other week I scheduled a meeting with the bishopric and the Valiant 11 teachers that I failed to show up to. How embarassing it was when I got the call from the bishop 5 hours later...
I really like what you've written. I don't feel fully qualified to answer the many excellent questions you pose because I've been keeping our family out of extraneous activities like the plague for the past several years. I have very limited energy, and I've felt a great need to protect myself. As you know from my recent post on extracurricular activities, I'm starting to re-think my strategy--perhaps I've found a bit more energy, or the ages of the children are starting to demand an overhaul. I think each family needs to assess their needs on an ongoing basis and make adjustments as necessary. If we do the best we can and keep our minds open, I think we will be able to sense when we need to make a change. Just that fact that you're writing about it attests to the fact that you are thinking carefully, which I think will give you the ability to find the right way for your own family.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the votes of confidence, ladies. And thank you for posting! If I ever figure out the RIGHT answer, should I post it, or just stay quiet?
ReplyDeleteHugs-
And, I think everyone, with the possible exception of several Wimmers I know, has limited energy. But we all have limited hours. I also feel a great need for self-preservation and I protect my time--sometimes almost jealously.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I have to admit I was wary of a "blog" when you first e-mailed us about it Heather, but this is really fun! Besides, you are such a wonderful writer, it's a joy to read every word!
ReplyDeleteI think you have opened discussion on a very important subject, and although my thoughts are very similar to yours, I also agree with "potato girl" (who is that?) about each family finding what works for them. The lady who taught our R.S. lesson Sunday has 7 children between 13 yrs. and 6 months, and she said her sister told her after she had her 6th child that "I can't stay up any later at night and I can't get up any earlier in the morning, so I guess I can't have any more children because I have no more time in my day!"
I thought that was really funny. I sit here at my computer at nearly midnight, because the quiet late night hours are my sanity-saver, as is exercise. But as far as the daily juggle of it all, I think we just all do the best we can and constantly re-asses our children's needs/happiness/progress/contentment to make sure they are thriving.
Oh, and take lots of hot bubble baths and lots of deep breaths.
Ang
Thanks for the kind words about my blog Angi.
ReplyDeletePotato girl is my friend and neighbor, native Idahoan Andrea. I'd love you to meet her sometime. The world is a better place because she is in it.
And I'm glad to hear you need a few bubble baths and deep breaths to get through the amazing number and array of things you do. You seem to do it all so effortlessly. (This, of course, from my distance of some 1200 miles away...)